i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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