You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
