I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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