sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
