Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
