hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
