wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
