can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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