You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
