My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just want to make out with him forever
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
