last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The air was thick with penises
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
