Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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