The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
