the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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