My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She announced her abortion via fbk
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
