There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
