chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
