The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
