sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
All I want is dick and wine.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
