WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
