I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
