I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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