I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He better not be in your backpack
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
