SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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