Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You need a sexual gate keeper
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
