It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
