If that was your dad, he is hot
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
