The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
