i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
