It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
