I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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