Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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