Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't think brook has ever known best
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
