they need to just BURY HIM!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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