I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Randomize
