Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
