Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
