laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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