Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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