There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
