today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just high enough for therapy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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