how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
