Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
