I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
that's an acceptable place to lick
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Holy shit dude........stairs
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