wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
