it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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