He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
