I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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