Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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