I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
