She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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