if you like me you must not know who I am
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
