If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
