Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
