if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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