talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
