dude i'm inner monologue high
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
